i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
