he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
