i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
