My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Last time i carry you out of a forest
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
