i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
