ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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