this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
