So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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