I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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