the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
