Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
