She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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