i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Everything about him screamed your future.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
