apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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