Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
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I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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