Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
