Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
