I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Text me some of your sweat
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
