You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
