so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
