Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
