I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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