I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
