she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
