DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
