Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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