The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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