Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
