If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Who died my cat blue again?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
