like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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