I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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