so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
