I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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