dude i'm inner monologue high
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
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I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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