I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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