I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
