I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
