The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
