I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
