I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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