it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
