do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Even my vagina gasped.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
