yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
