Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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