I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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