I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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