i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
