I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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