Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
