someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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