some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
