***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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