dude i'm inner monologue high
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
