never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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