Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
