this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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