My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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