Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I cockslap morals
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
