When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
