Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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