apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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