Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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