So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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