is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
we should paint friendship bongs
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
