Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
