I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
