I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
