I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
