idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
