I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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