It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You're like the curious george of whores
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
