I think I won the penis lottery.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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