the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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