I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
