then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
