I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
