And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
