why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize