Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
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Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
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They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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