Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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