Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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