I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
