I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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