we have officially lost it.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
