Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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